


Tonight (We Need a Lover)

by petersfeather



Series: Found Family [13]
Category: Stranger Things (TV 2016)
Genre: Angst, Billy is a Dumb Gay who's infatuated w/ his pretty boy, Bisexual Steve Harrington, Brief Mention of Blood, Gay Billy Hargrove, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Romance, What else is new, but Hop is just very briefly mentioned, canon is trash, sorry bout it, this is part of my AU where Billy gets adopted by Hop, we Mix Things Up in this house
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-16
Updated: 2020-04-16
Packaged: 2021-03-01 17:54:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,996
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23691193
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/petersfeather/pseuds/petersfeather
Summary: "can we get a thing where the day before, steve and billy had an almost kiss and then billy ran away and avoids steve. the next day steve finds billy out in the quarry at night drunk off his ass and steve is like “stop avoiding me! you can’t hide who you are” and billy just keeps drinking and kinda crying and steve’s like “what? you wanna hit me to feel like a man? do it coward!” and then billy does and he hits steve but then he breaks down and steve gets up and tells him it’s okay and kisses him"~~~He’s so goddamnpretty. So pretty it’s magnetic and Billy’s being pulled in, dragged in, pushed in, rushed in. So pretty it’s insane and honestly? Should be illegal but Billy’s not gonna sit here and complain. He’ll become a fugitive with this boy- the prettiest boy in Hawkins.He’s being pulled in and his eyes are lidded because he’s so fucking amazed and he’s sitting up and Steve is sitting up with his head turned to face him and Billy needs totouch. Needs it so much, so badly, especially now that they’re so close they’re sharing each other’s breath and-“Uh… Billy?” Steve asks on a whisper on Billy’s tongue.… Shit.
Relationships: Billy Hargrove/Steve Harrington
Series: Found Family [13]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1534922
Comments: 13
Kudos: 112





	Tonight (We Need a Lover)

**Author's Note:**

> hey there babes ♥
> 
> so i usually put a big disclaimer at the start of these but my friend @ihni said i shouldn't have to and now i agree. 🤷😂 but just to let y'all know **this is from an ask on tumblr** , it's not a full blown fic, etc. etc. so if you're lost about the way it's written, that's why! this whole series is just a bunch of asks from my blog [@okaybutlikeimagine](https://okaybutlikeimagine.tumblr.com/)
> 
> this is aaaaaangsty, but it ends happily and isn't that all that matters? ♥ ♥ ♥
> 
> prompt in the summary above
> 
> (title from Motley Crue song of the same name)

The boy has fear in his bloodstream and he doesn’t know what to do about being in love because he’s had crushes on boys, _sure_. Back in Cali he knew where to go and who to talk to. There was a lot less (metaphorical) broken glass to be wary of in Cali. he knew he wasn’t going to get tarred and feathered out in San Diego.

But like….. He’s falling in _love_.

And damn is it terrifying. It’s completely terrifying.

And some part of him feels like it’s not _supposed_ to feel this way. He’s not supposed to get this much anxiety over having Emotions but there’s a hell of a lot of stuff that has led to him getting freaked the fuck out over this so…. Yeah. here he is.

He’s been hanging out with Steve for a couple of months now, laughing and enjoying himself and poking fun at the boy and it’s been a lot but it’s been fun as hell and maybe that’s the scariest part?? Is how fun it’s been.

Because everything that’s fun has to stop. Life isn’t constant fun or constant pain, it’s mostly constant emptiness. That’s how Billy has seen it. Felt it. Constant emptiness with a swirl of pain folded in, sprinkled with some fun on top. Not a lot of promise, not a lot of hope, not a lot of excitement, just something There. Something to keep him bobbing above water.

But this has been _fun_. Running around at night on the streets is _fun_. Driving fast down the straightaways near the farmhouses on the outskirts of town is fun. Visiting 24 hr. diners with greasy food that gives him a stomach ache is fun. Blasting music as they race through the night or as they walk through the streets or as they sit in the woods and smoke like they’re not afraid of the dark, not when they have the flames of their lighters, is just so much fucking _fun_.

But the thing is, now he can’t look into Steve’s eyes without wanting to drown in them. He doesn’t wanna just barely bob above the water anymore, he wants to sink in. He always thought the sinking was the pain but hey, maybe now the water he’s treading is the fun. The excitement. The thrill he just has to succumb to. Maybe the pain is being pulled _out_ of that. Away from that. Not being given that.

The thing is, he can’t let himself drown in it because he needs to stay cautious. Alert. In a shit town like this, people are the scariest things. There are actual monsters that look like fucking _eldritch horrors_ and people are still the scariest things of any small town in the Midwest. That’s how Billy sees it.

But…

But this new home Billy has, with Hop and El… is like… making him feel _safe_ or some shit. Making him feel _good_. Feel comfortable. Feel at home.

And it makes him a little dumb.

Dumb enough to let himself make stupid decisions. To get drunk off the light of the evening as it hits Steve so prettily. As the smoke of the joint they’re sharing floats it’s way out of Steve’s pursed lips and into the air. Slips around the warm breeze like it’s a waltz but Billy’s barely paying attention to that because the _real_ art is Steve’s fucking mouth. His eyes as they flutter a bit in the orange setting sun. The dark fan of his eyelashes on his pale cheekbones. The way he leans back, tilts his head back, chuckles a little into the light of the setting sun like he always does because weed makes him giggly and free.

And Billy just can’t fucking _take it_ anymore.

“Do you think bugs get scared?” Steve asks.

It’s that chocolate hair. It’s gotta be. When it breaks loose from its hold and starts to fall into his face. When a soft, little strand gets caught at the corner of his mouth and he smiles. He always smiles when that happens. Licks at it a little sometimes when he’s really high out of his mind bc he thinks it’ll help dislodge it. It drives Billy out of his mind.

“Not scared… what’s the word….” Steve continues.

It’s his eyes. Those doe eyes. Fucking Bambi-like doe eyes. The boy could be a goddamn Disney character. It’s almost sickening. Billy’s so obsessed with those eyes he thinks he’s been poisoned. There has to be some kind of spell. There’s no way he’d lost his cool this hard just because of a normal boy with normal eyes. They’re different. Special. Some kind of fucking witchcraft.

“Like when you’re all worried and stressed…” Steve is still going on.

It’s everything. It’s his fucking hair _and_ his eyes _and_ his eyebrows _and_ his nose _and_ his chin _and_ his cheekbones and his _lips_ holy shit his lips. He didn’t want to get caught up in his lips like that but just… . just the _sight_ of them. They look so soft and warm and inviting and pliable. So pink like there’s gloss on them or something. They always look like that. He’s always licking and biting at them for whatever reason. Billy’s pretty sure it’s to drive him nuts.

“ _Anxiety_. Do you think bugs get anxiety?” Steve’s still talking.

It’s absolutely everything. It’s what his lips do that draws Billy in. It’s the little smile that curls across them, it’s the way they’re bitten when Steve is nervous, it’s the way they’re licked when Steve is thinking hard about something. It’s the things they say, like the jokes they make and the compliments they pay. It’s the things behind them and inside of Steve that _really_ melt Billy and seriously, maybe _that’s_ the scariest part. This isn’t just physical. It’s not just because Steve is pretty.

It’s because Steve is _special_. Every part of him is special. The way he talks and looks and acts and carries himself is so fucking special. _AND_ pretty.

“Something interesting worth looking at, curly?” Steve’s voice is so far away it’s too far away.

He’s so goddamn _pretty_. So pretty it’s magnetic and Billy’s being pulled in, dragged in, pushed in, rushed in. So pretty it’s insane and honestly? Should be illegal but Billy’s not gonna sit here and complain. He’ll become a fugitive with this boy- the prettiest boy in Hawkins.

He’s being pulled in and his eyes are lidded because he’s so fucking amazed and he’s sitting up and Steve is sitting up with his head turned to face him and Billy needs to _touch_. Needs it so much, so badly, especially now that they’re so close they’re sharing each other’s breath and-

“Uh… Billy?” Steve asks on a whisper on Billy’s tongue.

_… Shit._

That’s what breaks him out of it.

His mouth is open slightly, waiting for something he can’t give himself now because shit shit _shit_ he’s too close. He’s so close Steve is breathing on his mouth right now, right onto his tongue he’s too _close_.

His breath is labored and in an instant, he’s pulling away. Leaning back so far and so suddenly that he nearly falls backwards and he can just vaguely make out Steve looking for all the world shocked out of his mind.

Billy _scrambles_.

He’s usually pretty graceful and sure of his movements but at this very moment he’s become a newborn colt. He’s all limbs and wobbly knees fueled by one viciously racing heart as he scrambles up and into his car, ignoring Steve all the way, not even registering until he’s halfway home that the boy was yelling about not having a ride back.

He walks into the house a storm of fear and… and _anxiety_. Right now Billy knows for fucking sure that bugs don’t get anxious because he has all of the world’s anxiety in his chest and that is not overdramatic, thank you. He snaps at Hop and refuses to eat dinner and wraps himself in a blanket and just barely remembers to change out of his jeans before he’s rushing to the bathroom to shuck all of his clothes off and change because _damn_ he doesn’t want anything to _ever_ remind him of this night or that moment where he… where he lost the only goddamn true friend he had in this shithole town _goddamnit._

He’s pissed at himself.

And he can’t face Steve ever again.

So he avoids him. Fullheartedly avoids him. If he ever catches Steve’s eye, he’s out of the situation in an instant. He’s not sly about it, but he’s not sure how to be. He runs around any chance of seeing him until he finds himself at the liquor store on the edge of town that lets him buy alcohol even though he’s underage and (now) the son of the Chief. Buys as much alcohol as he can with the money he has and drives out to the quarry. He does it on habit, mostly. He feels idiotic, but he… he hasn’t been able to get his mind off that night and he… goes right out to where they were that night. Where they were when he nearly kissed…

He’s just feeling sadistic. He just wants to feel the memory of it burn in his chest right alongside the alcohol because that’ll make him think he’s not insane for feeling so utterly fucking _broken_ these past couple of days. So he sits and he drinks. Drinks himself dizzy- until the lines between what hurts and what doesn’t blur and he’s wobbling while sitting down and getting loose and isn’t this supposed to feel _better_ why doesn’t this feel _better_ and-

“Ha. Knew I’d find you.”

Billy’s chest jumps and halts. His joints go weak, even while he’s sitting. His legs have cold pinpricks in them.

Steve is here. He hears the footsteps come closer.

“If you wanna hide from me, you shouldn’t be so predictable.”

He’s probably talking about the fact that Billy is sitting exactly where they were that day.

_Shit._

And Billy thinks maybe his heart has the right idea; beating so wildly it feels like it’s going to leave his chest. And then Billy is _following_ his heart, scrambling to get up, walking away quickly, careful not to run because his biggest fear is looking desperate and that includes being desperate to walk away and if there’s one thing Billy isn’t, it’s _desperate_.

“Billy?”

Billy’s walking quickly.

“Billy cut it out!”

Steve’s footsteps are getting faster. He’s jogging to catch up with him.

“You idiot, stop running away! What are you even running from?”

Billy’s _shaking_. His mind is running faster than he is, the words circling his mind because _he doesn’t know_. He knows he’s running from _something_ , as slow as possible, really, but he _doesn’t know_. He doesn’t have answers for him, he doesn’t have answers for himself he just… he _doesn’t know_. But getting out of this situation feels like the best idea… at least like it’ll relieve some of the pressure building in chest and at this point that’s really all he wants he just wants out he wants away he wants _out out out out-_

“Hargrove! You know, it’s a pretty dick move to almost kiss me and then run away-”

And that _does it_. That does Billy in immediately. He rounds on Steve, as quickly as he can in his drunken state, stumbling just a bit, world going even fuzzier than it was before, pain coming in quicker, filling every corner of him, mixing in with fear and… and…. And-

“ _Shut up_.” He growls, teeth bared, feeling _feral_. Maybe he should have smoked instead of drank. But smoking isn’t what he wanted. He knows it’s not. He knows what he wanted was that familiar feeling of boiling over. What he’s feeling right now. In some odd way he wanted _suffering_. And he’s getting it. At the hands… no, at the tip of Steve Harrington’s tongue… he’s getting it.

He’s _boiling_ with it. With suffering and something else… something that feels more dangerous, more poisonous, more _angering_.

“Or what?” Steve spits back, face blooming red with anger, even by the moonlight. Eyes harsh and hard, teeth clacking shut with aggression.

Billy’s boiling. Every inch of him on edge, hanging by a thread. He’s gonna…. _he’s gonna-_

He’s gonna fall over. The world is liquid beneath him. He’s stumbling.

“I didn’t kiss you.” Billy growls with as much anger as he can muster as he tries to find purchase on the ground again. He hears his own voice, miles and miles away from right now, hissing to _“plant your feet”_

“I know you didn’t, you asshole-”

“I’m not a fucking _fairy_.”

Billy spits it out. Spits some actual spit out too, afterwards. He feels a little sick.

He’s so wobbly, he doesn’t even see Steve. Not clearly. Doesn’t see the look of shock on Steve’s face.

Because Billy doesn’t know. He doesn’t know how Steve has been up every night of the week, staring into the darkness, tossing in his bed, wrestling with himself and his thoughts and the feeling of Billy’s breath on his lips. How _close_ they were. How he didn’t even _notice_ , not until it was too late and Billy was scrambling away and out of his fucking life…? For some reason? With no discernable reason because they were alone and he didn’t say anything and… 

He’s figured that he did something wrong. He scared the boy away. He somehow egged the boy on to do what he did… or _nearly_ do what he did and that grossed Billy out and made him run. Made him so ashamed of Steve that he can’t even _look_ at Steve without feeling grossed out again. He feels… he feels…

 _Ashamed_. Like the _fairy_ Billy swears he himself is not.

“Oh yeah?” Steve asks darkly. He feels dark. He feels angry. He’s not sure at who yet.

“Yeah.” Billy growls again, fists clenching tight. Steve’s eyes shift down to notice them.

“What? You gonna hit me?”

Billy’s growling heavily, mad at everything, shaking out of anger.

…. Yeah it’s out of anger. It has to be out of anger. He can’t fathom it being anything other than anger it’s _anger_.

“You wanna _prove_ something?” Steve growls back, biting at the air, irritated to high hell, _furious_. Furious and frustrated. “What’s it gonna prove, huh? That you’re a man?”

Billy’s short fingernails are digging into the skin on his hands. His muscles are aching from how taut they are. He’s _strung out_.

He doesn’t have an answer. He doesn’t have any answers.

“You gonna hit me?” Steve’s voice is lower… more dangerous. It lights Billy’s blood on fire and suddenly he’s being shoved. Incited. Steve’s hands give Billy’s chest a quick push and it sends sparks through him in the wrong ways, the _wrong wrong_ ways, the ways that don’t make him actually angry. The ways that make him want him to touch him more and maybe he _is_ mad maybe he just wants it all over maybe…

“Well? You gonna hit me or what?”

… maybe Billy _is_ gonna hit him. He’s getting shoved again.

“Hit me, you coward.” Steve says again, a weird lilt in his voice that sounds like a chuckle. Steve can’t help it. He’s over this he wants it done with he wants… he wants…. Hewantshewantshewants-

“Hit me!”

Billy sees red. His fist swings. His world is blurry. It’s blurry and red and angry and-

And….

He makes impact. Steve is stumbling. Billy’s sure because he finally has his feet grounded. Steve’s face is turned away, hand at his face, hissing obscenities quietly and…

He pulls his hand away and it’s blood. Billy’s world is red and slowly turning blue. Slowly coming back to match the hue of the moon and the water and the clear sky as Steve looks down at his own blood on his hand.

Steve looks up at Billy.

Billy looks down at his own hand now. At his ring. At _Steve’s_ ring, technically. Steve’s class ring that Billy “stole’” from the boy. As “collateral” Billy had said when he picked the ring up off of Steve’s dresser. Collateral for taking Billy’s favorite leather jacket for some stupid party he was going to that Billy wasn’t able to be at. Something about looking _tough_ or _cool_. Billy had rolled his eyes.

Billy hadn’t been aware at the time of taking it, exactly what it meant to other people. How… _domestic_ it was to give your ring to someone else… how…

How _stupid_.

Billy’s world is turning blurry again and for a second he’s not sure why. Without his consent he’s being pitched into a blue, blurry world and there’s Steve’s blood and it’s from Steve’s own ring but Billy’s doing and Billy’s going to _hurl_.

He stumbles backwards, watching Steve’s eyes soften and he wants to be _mad_ at them. Mad that Steve is soft in this moment that’s supposed to be razor sharp. Supposed to be shattered and dangerous. Supposed to cut them on it’s jagged edges.

But then Steve shifts to something tinted blue. His eyebrows shift and he’s… he’s sad. It’s the only thing Billy has seen clearly since he’s been here. Steve is sad and it’s hurting Billy’s heart and he’s going to run again, he’d rather run than be here, he’s so _mad_ he really is mad but it’s at himself and he’s mad at that too but he can’t help it he just _hurt Steve_ and his mind rushes in circles, floods itself with the memory of Steve beaten and bloody, again by Billy’s hand.

Billy’s world is blurry and he thinks it might be from tears.

And now he’s thumbing at the ring, twisting it around his finger and feeling _sick_. And… and _guilty_. And like all the weight of every decision he’s ever made is on his shoulders and _damn_ this alcohol! And his heart is racing again, desperate to jump into the quarry desperate to run back home desperate to steal away into the woods and find an otherworldly monster desperate for _anything_. Anything other than this, anything that will get him away from this boy that he bloodied and he _hates_ these tears he _hates_ them.

“Billy-”

Billy turns..

“Billy!”

Billy _wants._

Wants to be out of here wants to get away wants to find something to ease every burning part of his body.

So he slides the ring off his finger and throws it on the ground and leans his body forward, goes to rush away, gets his feet stuck for a second in the twigs and leaves underneath him, and then he’s really stuck bc his arm is being held and he’s being pulled back and he wants _out_ please please please-

“Billy stop-”

“Get off of me- get _off_.”

“Billy cut it _out!_ ” Steve insists, gripping Billy’s wrist tighter as the muscled boy thrashes harder. And then he’s being pulled back, stumbling again and Steve’s arms are around him and he’s _crying_ and he doesn’t wanna be. He’s thrashing and he doesn’t really wanna be doing that either. What he wants is… his bed. He wants to lay in bed his head is throbbing and all he can think about is _shame_ and-

“It’s okay.” It’s Steve’s voice. Hushing Billy quietly.

“ _I’m sorry_.” It’s out of Billy’s mouth without thought. It falls out like teeth in a nightmare. Helpless and frightened and vulnerable.

“It’s okay, Billy, it’s okay-”

Billy’s shaking and something about Steve’s arms around him make his blood settle a bit and then he’s being spun around and his head is still so insanely foggy.

“I’m sorry… fuck-”

“Billy shut up.” Steve chastises, blood smeared on his lip and then Billy can’t see that anymore because he’s being kissed and he _melts_.

Absolutely melts. Grabs Steve like he’s keeping him afloat, like he’s the only thing he’s made purchase on all night and the kisses he returns are sloppy and near frantic but this is _it_ this is what he wanted what he’s been thinking about what he’s been battling with and if it ends he’ll have to think about it again. He’ll have to re-evaluate everything again and he doesn’t _want_ that so he keeps Steve attached to him as much as he can, grabs at Steve like he’s going to stop existing if he ever lets go, fists at Steve’s shirt and then his hair because he needs to keep constant awareness that this is _real_ he can’t float back into his mind again he _can’t_.

But then the need to breathe wins out and Steve pulls away first because _he’s_ the clear headed one here and Steve is staring at Billy, eyes soft again, blood nearly smeared gone, looking at Billy like _he’s_ the one that’s bleeding like _he’s_ the one that’s broken and it _does_ something to Billy that doesn’t necessarily make him angry. Not even in the slightest.

“Are you okay?” Steve asks like Billy shouldn’t be the one asking that very same thing.

Billy grabs Steve enough that he hopes it hurts.

“You fucking moron, I punched you like a minute ago.” Billy slurs out, pulling Steve back in for a kiss. It’s semi-subconsciously.

Steve rolls his eyes and holds back.

“I’m just… worried. Because you’ve been an idiot all day and… I dunno. I don’t want you hating me.”

“Don’t hate you~” Billy slurs again, stumbling a bit and causing Steve to grab on tighter.

“Yeah, well, I was worried. After you… and I… I was worried you, like, _hated_ me or something. Because of… us… _liking_ each other? Maybe?”

“Sick.” Billy garbles and Steve feels his face flush immediately. He knew he was right he knew he hated him he _knew_ -

“Sick?” Steve asks feebly, gripping tighter at the boy in his arms who’s still swaying.

“I’m sick.” Billy mumbles, looking at the ground. It fills Steve’s chest with heat. Billy’s chest feels the same way but-

“No! No no it’s… well I dunno, really. But I don’t think it’s _sick_. I don’t think you’re _sick_ , Billy, I think we’re just… why can’t we just be _happy_ , y’know?”

“I’m… I’m… “ Billy starts again, swaying and heat in his belly and chest and-

“You’re okay, Billy, this is alright. I think it’s a _happy_ thing-!”

“I’m gonna be sick.” Billy mumbles out before puking. Loudly. All over the ground, getting some on Steve’s shoes but he can’t see because he’s still wobbly and Steve is _grossed_ the fuck out.

“Ah!” Steve calls, jumping his feet back a bit while still keeping a hand on Billy who is now doubled over, puking on the ground. “Oh my god, asshole! You probably puked on my ring!”

If Billy was in his right mind, he'd definitely be mad at the fact that Steve seems to care more about his \ring at this particular moment...

And so Billy wanders over to a large tree to puke next to it and Steve looks down at the ground, thinking absently about how his ring is definitely down there and he would look for it but… uhm… _ew_.

So he doesn’t. But he does drive Billy back to his house so the boy can rinse his mouth out and shower and have a couple of cups of coffee to hopefully sober him up a little bit. He calls the cabin to let Hop know where his son is. (Hop sounds a little less than happy about it but Steve assures him he’s safe.) And he gets a bit of food in Billy’s belly along with a couple of glasses of water and then, by the end of the night, they’re snuggled up in bed with each other, comfortable and warm and… _happy_. Good god so happy.

So happy that it almost permeates Billy’s raging hangover the next morning.

Y’know… almost.

**Author's Note:**

> Steve is mad about his ring bc he spent his own money on it and he really liked having it as a keepsake of his high school days bc he's Cheesy Like That TM, and i dare you to tell me otherwise. but it's okay, bc he just keeps Billy's jacket for good now and only lets Billy wear it to get it smelling like him again.
> 
> if you wanna find this particular post on my blog, it's [right here](https://okaybutlikeimagine.tumblr.com/post/615031959539924992/can-we-get-a-thing-where-the-day-before-steve-and) for you
> 
> i'm on tumblr[@okaybutlikeimagine](https://okaybutlikeimagine.tumblr.com/)  
> my main blog is [@pointeful](https://pointeful.tumblr.com/)
> 
> thanks so much for reading, hope you're healthy and happy, and i adore your soul ♥


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